Legit To Quit

I do not need to do so, but I ask myself: What does a breakup look like for someone with a healthy sense of self?

After being estranged for ten years, a father and daughter sat together on my office couch this evening. Being a supportive fly on the wall at their reunion was heart-wrenchingly breathtaking.

Perhaps sparked by the encounter’s intensity, I shared with Dave memories of previous relationships —precisely the addictive, chaotic, and powerless times. “I think I lost myself in them,” I tell Dave, which I hadn’t articulated so well before until this conversation, but it feels accurate.

I don’t know what to do this yet, but it feels like a breakthrough.

As of yesterday, the flights for a month-long trip to Georgia are booked. That the vacation is no longer in the abstract causes flurries of panic to arise, at the number of things – houseplants, work, our animals, having my own space – that will be left unattended.

The past two days, I’ve seen three eagles, a pair flying in line with each other and one slightly above them. At their grace and landing in a nearby tree, I hoped they were looking for a place to move. Which, by the way, I’m ok with; the tree they’re looking at is nowhere near my duck’s pen.

A rare walk across the room with arms spread, Dave enfolded me in a hug. “Legitimately. You said the entire word. Thank you.” His concern is birthed from pop culture’s mishandling of the word, not because I’m a legit offender.

Also, the word kiddos and littles is not ok with him (and I agree). “What’s wrong with the word kids, anyway?”

As you can see, we’re doing the Lord’s work, scrutinizing the English language one word at a time. Best be careful, lest we come to a conversation near you.

Love, Jaclynn

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