Like a death row inmate awaiting their final moments, I feel the relentless ticking of time. It compels me to plan and prepare, knowing that the sweetness of precious moments will soon vanish, leaving behind only the ache of “never again.” In the face of this relentless dance orchestrated by time’s invisible strings, I yearn to scream, to halt its terrorizing grip on my existence.
But amidst this struggle, there is work to be done.
I crossed paths with a woman, a walker supporting her tired limbs, her long hair cascading around her face. She appeared to be in her fifties, and the weight of her life’s journey was evident in the bags draped over her walker. In a knee-jerk reaction, I instinctively turned away, my gaze unwilling to confront her struggles. However, time pushed me toward her, not to save her from her hardships, but to lend an ear and truly listen. What stories did she carry within her heart? What experiences had shaped her existence? In that fleeting moment, I understood that genuine connection lies in the simple act of embracing someone’s story.
I find myself drawn to the elderly, to those who stand at the precipice of life’s final chapter. Their stories of wisdom and resilience resonate within the depths of my being. Earlier on the phone my aunt shared the nightly routine she goes though with my 95-year-old grandma in the memory care facility. From helping her use the bathroom to tucking her into bed with kisses aplenty, their intimate interactions captivated me. It was in these tender moments, I believe embody the true essence of intimacy.
So tonight I tagged along, spending two precious hours in the company of my aunt and grandma. Being with them felt good to my heart, providing a profound sense of gratitude. In the face of time’s unforgiving construct, I am glad I showed up – giving my Grandma twenty plus kisses, seeing the spark in her eye as I did and tucking her in much in the same way I do for Evelyn.
In the grand symphony of existence, time’s cadence can evoke both trepidation and inspiration. I refuse to let its passage go unnoticed. It is in these poignant connections that we find solace, meaning, and the courage to transcend the boundaries of our fears, stepping into the realm of the magical.
Thank you for being on this journey with me. Love, Jaclynn
Going On 40 