I have this strange fear that whenever I open the door to my office, I’ll come face to face with a villainous character, drumming their fingers together and saying, “Well, well, well.” Every time I find my office empty, a wave of relief washes over me. But if I could find a way to feel at ease consistently, I would definitely take it.
As I write up a progress note and reflect on the relationship between a client and myself, it feels like we’re constantly at odds with each other. It’s like being a bull rider, gripping the rope with my hands and digging my heels in, while they spin, kick, and flail. Despite the challenge, I believe that expressing my experience of our relationship could help us. Maybe we could strategize and work towards becoming friends who enjoy skipping rocks at the embankment of a lake.
I can’t help but feel incredibly proud—extremely proud, in fact. The client who needed to make the report has successfully done so, and we have our follow-up session scheduled for next week. It’s a definite win!
I’m aware that I need some time for myself, to float aimlessly without any specific tasks or thoughts to tend to. I feel guilty for needing this time, as if it makes me weak to admit it and plan for it. I would be bailing on a barbecue we had committed to with two other families. Initially, the thought of not going was just a whispering urge that I didn’t take seriously. However, at dinner time earlier, I voiced my quiet desire aloud. Although I felt a bit insecure saying it to Dave at first, my need soon gained momentum, and I knew it was the right decision. I won’t be attending on Saturday.
During that time, I plan to engage in activities like weed whacking, mowing the lawn, reading, painting, and maybe even watching duck eggs hatch. Basically, the possibilities are endless, and I’m excited to embrace the freedom.
I work with a client who was once a talented singer, with her local band even winning a notable contest. However, the pressure of the performance aspect led her to bow out. Now, after seven years, she’s ready to reintroduce herself to the world, but this time with a newfound mindfulness of the factors that previously hindered her.
Curious about her motivations, I asked her why she decided to make this comeback. Her response was nothing short of beautiful: “When everything fades away, I get to listen to the sound of my voice. There’s nothing like it.”
In a world of productivity and busyness, we must honor our needs and embrace activities that fulfill us. Like Ralph Emerson once wisely said, “Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”
Love, Jaclynn
Going On 40 