In the same way people arrive on my office couch and I may judge their mental health as pretty shitty, I can imagine a nutritionist or personal trainer looking at me on day one with a disapproving tsk, tsk, tsk.
I’m aware of this! Yet, I don’t do much about it. I indulge a little too much in food and spend a bit too much time sitting. These have become my comfort zones, although I realize they only keep me feeling okay, not great.
As I devour some Hawaiian Papa Murphy’s pizza, I glimpse myself in the virtual waiting room for counseling sessions. I notice my yellow dangle earrings and like what I see. I had a surprise break in my day that wouldn’t have been a surprise if I had updated my calendar when a client informed me about their jury duty. Oh well, it’s pizza time.
There’s something really funny I wanted to share with you, but now I can’t remember what it was.
Was it about the ducklings? No. All I can say is that being so close to the life and death of those little bird brains has made me less attached to them. What used to elicit an “Aw” from me now just gets a shrug. Sure, I’ve just sat on my butt, feeding them dried mealworms and oats and topped off their water. But emotionally attached? Not anymore.
Damn it! That thing I wanted to share was really funny. It would have been a mic drop moment. The kind that would make people remember me as a funny woman if this were to be my last post ever.
I apologized for not being at my best for a client today, and during a different session, when someone shared the desire for me to empathize with them and that I failed to do so, I apologized again. It’s not a recurring pattern, but we’re going through some growing pains. And building trust requires vulnerability and all the shit that comes with it.
But in both cases, I’m proud of how I handled it, how we handled it, and I believe we will come out stronger. I almost said “I know,” but I don’t, not yet.
My friend Peter isn’t doing well. He told me he hates to complain and be upset about his situation, but the truth is, he has every right to feel that way. His health is deteriorating, from skin cancers to heart and lung issues. He sends cryptic text messages, as he usually does, but in times like these, I don’t know how he’s really doing. Thankfully, I finally got to speak to him on the phone and I assured him that I’d be there for him. He told me I was busy, but I let him know that the barriers preventing me from being there were not real. I could set them aside for him. I’m glad he listened to that. Because even if his health worsens and he feels alone in his isolated state, he’ll know that he’s not.
I’m getting a bike! It’s a bright pink one from Walmart, and I’m going to store it in the Acura. During breaks from work or, hopefully, on a cool evening, Dave, Evelyn, and I can fulfill my dream of a family bike ride.
Wow, it’s such a beautiful night. Although the spot where I sit on the sling of the chair hammock is in the shade, to my right, I can see a sliver of the lake illuminated by the sun. The lime green reflections bouncing off the tree branches onto the water are pleasant to watch.
Crap, Evelyn and I wiped a DIY mix of baking soda and coconut oil on the water-stained window downstairs, and I need to wipe it off to see if that TikTok guy’s advice actually worked.
Well, here’s to a streak-free window! Cheers!
Love, Jaclynnn
Going On 40 