I decided to downsize the number of toys in Evelyn’s bed from 15 to just 2. It wasn’t an easy transition, and we cuddled through it as she expressed her feelings of injustice. I understand where she’s coming from, but rules are rules.
Lately, I’ve been having several conversations about habits. A therapist friend mentioned a podcast by Clinical Psychologist Rick Hanson on using habits to reach goals, and coincidentally, I also came across a chapter on habits in my second time reading the book “Atomic Habits.” This time, I’m reading it in Spanish, titled “Habitos Atomicos.”
I have two main goals: to cultivate a more spacious mind and to appreciate solitude. Balancing family life, running a business, and making time for myself sometimes leaves me feeling conflicted and guilty about the moments I spend alone. I want to create daily habits that support and nourish me during these periods of solitude.
Setting this goal feels like a tug of war inside me, like an ongoing battle between the Hatfields and McCoys. But it’s worth it to work on my relationship and connection with myself, speak to myself positively, and provide self-encouragement. The first habit I plan to implement is a five-minute morning reflection on this goal and setting an intention for the day.
Amidst all this, Evelyn’s leg hurts, and it’s not easy to soothe her. I try everything—milk, medicine, singing a song. It brings back memories of the restless nights I spent singing “One Tin Soldier” to her. The lyrics are not easy to digest—the village people want the mountain people’s treasure, leading to violence and loss. Yet, as they stand beside the stone underneath is the treasure, they turn it and find the message, “Peace On Earth.”
Singing that song to her, I’m sure I blubbered tears. But even though it’s a sad song, I feel compelled to share its message, and I enjoy hearing my voice sing it.
And she’s finally asleep!
I hope my relationship with writing improves while I’m on vacation. I want to experience a more spacious and inviting page. One that curls its pointer finger, and beckons me into is bowels. Yuck, I know. But, I’d go. I’d go. I’d go.
Love, Jaclynn
PS My cousin just called, and my Grandma has been put on hospice. She’s been declining and struggling to eat, and after a scary heart rate drop and a trip to the ER earlier today, that was decided. So, I guess we’ll be taking it day by day going forward.
PSS Prepare to be amazed by a bubble-popping duck.
Going On 40 