With an unburdened mind, I felt eager to write in my book for the first time in months. A marathon of a task filled with a million pit stops and countless shin splints, it’s an undertaking my faint heart struggles to handle.
To weave together the strands of the past, present, and future, and to do it with authenticity and compassion in areas where I judge and hold contempt for myself, stretches me to the point where I feel like upchucking vomit. But then you know how those deep tissue massages go – from the initial seasickness to the zenniest, cleanest, and clearest spots.
I’m certain that if I push through this tender part, I’ll develop a rhythm, perhaps even set a groove, and create a piece I can be very proud of.
But the question is, how do I stay engaged, present, and moving forward when it seems like there are big, bad monsters crawling out from under the bed?
Thankfully, I have this present perspective – the me that’s the counselor, the persona of the wise one that steps up to the plate with a cool head and is unfazed by the theatrics of all the jukes and jives.
A prospective client emailed desperately. Unfortunately, the steps the client and their mother hadn’t taken before today led to them not receiving services earlier. And that is not due to anything I didn’t do. And as you know, I’m on vacation, so any help I could have provided will be put on hold.
Lessons are hard sometimes, aren’t they? Like black-and-blue consequences that have us coping by the skin of our teeth and shredding our skin.
And to grow, we must take responsibility – to stand on our own fully and salute the beast of consequences and say, “Okay, fine. You win. I’ll do whatever you say.”
Truly, I have enjoyed a very low-key day, coming off the heels of a semi-low-key day yesterday. It’s like my nervous system is downshifting gears one by one. I wonder how much lower I can go?
Love ya, Jaclynn
Going On 40 