During a recent conversation with our good friend Patrick, we delved into the intriguing concept of consciousness and the idea that we might lack control over our actions. This discussion unexpectedly triggered a sense of panic within me, as I firmly believe in our capacity for control, leading me into a brief existential crisis.
Thankfully, I managed to regain my composure and retreated to my computer, seeking solace in some personal reflection. As I attempted to digest the depth of our conversation, I realized that I was struggling to fully comprehend the concept Patrick introduced, known as ‘the user illusion.’
Upon researching it online, I discovered that ‘the user illusion’ essentially involves trusting our instincts. It revolves around the astonishing realization that, at any given moment, our minds process an immense amount of information – billions of data points – and yet, we still manage to produce some form of output. In my case, I found myself typing away, allowing my fingers to move almost independently while my mind raced to catch up.
This experience of unfiltered expression felt remarkably liberating because it was undeniably ‘me.’ There was no deliberate effort to shape or manufacture something; I was simply ‘being’ in the moment. Admittedly, I pondered whether the end result of my musings would become a blog, or perhaps not, as I questioned if anyone would be interested in my raw, unfiltered thoughts.
This contemplation led me to consider our collective fear of instincts as if acknowledging them might unleash our inner demons or lead to uncontrollable actions. I felt a reflexive urge to restrain these thoughts, as if merely acknowledging them would brand me as unstable. However, isn’t this precisely what I’m exploring – the authenticity of these impulses, instincts, and actions as an integral part of ‘me’?
This way of thinking challenges my established self-identity. It hints that acting on impulse doesn’t diminish who I am; I am still ‘me.’ I keep returning to this realization. I am still ‘me.’
Love, Jaclynn
Going On 40 