I don’t trust the voice in my head, it’s a shifty salesperson. Buy a 0.00% APR with 0 down Peloton Treadmill. How about a $50 foundation for your old lady, blotchy skin?
My mind feels heavy and leadened, and it’s a sensation I prefer to escape. To zone out to funny and interesting videos would be nice, perhaps that man that sits in his field and violins until his cows come running?
What am I trying to escape? A thousand things outside my control unconsciously flurry like a snowstorm. I can’t tell you how many clients aren’t reaching out to me, just like I’m not reaching out to them, which is more than okay, but in this head space I go, “You really should get on that!”
And without challenging it, I carry the mental load around as if it’s real.
I want to get the guts up to ride my bicycle to work, especially because I have a cute turquoise blue helmet too. I say the thing stopping me is not knowing where I could store my bike, yet have I done the next thing, and asked the owner of the building where I work if there’s a room for me to store it, or if there’s a place he knows to lock it up? No!
Tomorrow. I’ll message him tomorrow.
I also need to tighten the handlebars as they rotate down, making the brake impossible to reach. Which is scary. At 41 years old, the last thing I need is a head-over handlebar day. Plus my brakes squeak. Perhaps during my work break and after Dave I take Evelyn to day two of preschool tomorrow, Dave can help me adjust things.
Yes, I did say day two of school. Which means, today was day one. After we got home, in Evelyn’s backpack we found a piece of paper with three faces, one smiling, one frowning, and one with a curvy, unsure look. She told us she had to pick one to color in. The sad face was partially colored with an ‘x’ through it, and fully filled in was the happy face. I asked her why, “Well, I was looking up and drawing. Then my teacher showed me how to do an x, and I was happy so I colored that one.”
Costco is open for another hour and thirteen more minutes. I am fully converted to their two huge tubs of vanilla ice cream for its beyond-creamy creamness. If I go downstairs and tell Dave I’m heading in for just ice cream, what will he say? One second.
Just as I suspected, he said, “Ok.” And Evelyn fully naked, said, “I want to go with you.” She’s dressed and we’re out.
Note to self: Forever more will I shop at Costco an hour before closing. With a few shoppers and mostly workers stocking shelves, it made meandering for ice cream a breeze. I stopped to look at Christmas trees with Evelyn, and picked up a box of pop tarts (strawberry and blueberry are my favorites), as well as a bouquet of flowers for Dave.
I’m back to my spot on my bed, tummy down, fingers going numb from the angle my elbow is pressing into the bed. Like, when fingers get pruney means it’s time to get out of the bath, I can say the same for writing. Tingly, falling asleep arms and fingers means our time has come to an end.
Later! Love, Jaclynn
Going On 40 