I woke up like a piece of toast popping out of a toaster. The gentle, soothing sound of rain greeted me, and the lingering sense of my dream felt comforting. In that dream, I rested my head on the concave area of a friend’s belly. It may not have held any particular significance, but the sight of him wearing a far-too-small, light green Kermit the Frog shirt somehow made me feel safe and oddly content.
I couldn’t help but wonder about another feeling, one that’s a bit darker—a concern that I might exploit the innocence in others. Or perhaps it’s rooted in a fear that I’ve been taken advantage of in the past?
Whatever it is or isn’t, doesn’t matter, the feeling of being melted into the fabric of my dream, upon waking was blissful.
Later, as I sprayed a cleaning solution on our dining room table and wiped it clean, I found myself lost in thought. I remember the time I bought this table from a woman needing to get rid of furniture due to a move. It was custom-made by her friend for a specific area in her house and she hated to see it go. The dreams the table represented were not lost on me, and nearly three years have passed since then, and I’m intrigued by a new vision that’s emerging.
Sometimes, I yearn to escape from life, to leap off the bow of its tumultuous ship and plunge into the frigid waters below. I don’t even mind the struggle for breath or the feeble movements of my arms to keep me afloat; at least in that moment, the one I jump, I’d be in control. Oh, how I long for that feeling of control.
I’m going to skip out early tonight, I could use a little time with myself.
Thanks for being here. Love, Jaclynn
Going On 40 