Taking a moment to ground myself, I’m savoring the sour cream and onion seasoning one chip at a time while waiting for my veggie sandwich in a cozy local deli. It’s a comforting place, where you can overhear interesting conversations among community members. Today, a uniformed police officer and a fireman playfully argue about who had the lunch idea first, and a couple engages the police officer inquiring about the house on the hill off of Angeline Road.
The young police officer, with a fresh spiked haircut, humorously explains the limitations he faces in enforcing consequences, saying, “If there’s a stolen car, we can’t chase it, otherwise, I can be held liable.” He notes the date the law went into effect and provides us a “voting matters” service announcement.
The conversation naturally turns to Seattle’s current state, and he notes, “They’ve lost 800 officers if you can believe it, and there’s no replacing that.”
I’m 80% immersed in the conversation while a nurse shares her concerns about the hospital’s end. I could contribute, sharing what I’m seeing as a local counselor, but I don’t.
Listening is helping me feel better, so I stick with that. Besides, I have one foot out the door in a future move to Georgia, so the gripes and unsolved problems in this landscape will no longer be mine.
But that also brings a tinge of guilt. These are my people, and these are problems I’d love to help solve, side by side with them.
But then again, I also long for simplicity, less complication, and a more laid-back life.
After three intense sessions, one person walking out saying, “I’m done,” and two others with the volume turned up too high, I started to question, “Am I cut out for this?”
I do believe I’m qualified with the necessary experience and knowledge, but, well, it’s been a tough week, to say the least.
I do love so much about my job. My favorites are when clients say, “I’ve been looking forward all week to seeing you,” or “That’s a good question I’ve never thought about,” and the long-term connections that feel like home.
Even the challenging sessions, like the one where the person stormed out, I respect their choice. I understand it; they felt overwhelmed and needed space, and they took that time for themselves. The hard part is that I’m taking it a bit personally. I worry, “Are we okay?” That’s why in the counseling field, therapists have therapists and seek consultations with their peers. My bruised ego doesn’t help people heal, unfortunately.
I think that’s it for now. It’s time to cuddle up and watch the rest of tonight’s movie with the family. See you tomorrow.
Love, Jaclynn
Going On 40 