Putting Down the Gun

Have I ever shared with you my once paralyzing fear of schizophrenia? It was a relentless tormenter, surfacing unpredictably like a prairie dog in my mind. I could never escape its grip, and after years of battling it, I reached a point of utter exasperation. At a friend’s suggestion, I wrote a letter to my fear, to articulate my emotions, unveil the negative impact it had on my life, and commit it all to paper.

So I did.

Initially, my words were hesitant, just a timid tap, tap, tap on its looming shoulder. Then my thoughts gained momentum, and I unleashed a torrent of emotions, recounting every frustrating moment when this maddening fear had strangled me. I was angry, with profanities and righteous indignation etched in each bold stroke. I poured my heart out, and by the final crescendo, not a single drop of fear remained. The straitjacket grip had unraveled, as if by magic, and had fallen to the floor like a crumpled ball of toilet paper.

Thanks to the recent trauma training I’m undergoing, my approach to working with my client’s trauma has subtly evolved. We no longer rush into conversations without first addressing the threats, fears, and inner boogeymen lurking in a client’s psyche. Until we’ve disarmed those inner triggers, healing remains slow-moving because, let’s face it, it’s impossible to heal with a metaphorical gun to our heads.

Even if it’s just our thoughts, they can become so densely packed with emotional gunpowder that they explode, leaving us emotionally wounded and huddled in the corner, captives to our own minds.

I’m only halfway through this training but stay tuned because exciting healing breakthroughs are on the horizon.

And, as an update, I reached out to my friend this morning during her commute to work. She acknowledged that my move would be challenging for her at times but reassured me that it was a testament to her love for me. Those words were heartwarming to hear. Instead of casting doubt on my upcoming cross country adventure, they inspired me to reciprocate her love even more.

Alrighty then, take care.

With love, Jaclynn.