At the edge of my field of vision, where the land met a small, enchanting pond, I witnessed a cascade of glistening gold bars. Or at least, that’s what it seemed like to me. Really it was falling leaves, displaying a final hurrah before landing on the grassy floor, and bringing a delightful pause to my morning routine. The moment was like the pinnacle of a movie, where body, mind, and spirit are in perfect harmony, guiding you through a journey you’re grateful to be on.
Recalling my recent commitment to developing daily practices, whether it’s handling a spam caller, or immersing myself in playtime with my daughter Evelyn, I find that this mindset has allowed me to let go of some of my defenses. The thought “I wish I were doing anything other than playing with Paw Patrol figurines for the hundredth time this week” has transformed into “This is how my daughter chooses to connect with me, so let’s go!”
Instead of seeing her desire as encroaching on my time, freedom, and desire for spontaneity in my day I’m making space. Because, well, she matters to me.
Even though I had minimal space for extracurriculars due to a 9am to 7pm workday day, I pj’d up, and got a few physical exercises in like knee pushups, bicep curls with 8-lb weights, and stretches, all while listening to my Compassion Fatigue course. These activities were helpful in calming overwhelming thoughts about how to approach a client’s inappropriate behavior. Although I plan to seek counsel from peers and know I don’t have to figure it out by myself, if still is sucky.
But still, the strain of overthinking has left my brainpower moving at a snail’s pace, affecting my writing practice. The temptation to escape under the covers with a suspenseful/horror book grows stronger. I find myself seated, head in hand, staring at the table, almost frozen. To counter this urge, I’ve decided to skip the comforting but sugar-heavy fudge ice cream and opt for a large cup of ice water as a compromise. The inner toddler, though still slightly disgruntled, is resigned to the idea. It’s perfectly fine for me to feel that way, but that’s my final answer.
Merely sitting here and staring at nothing isn’t helping. I believe it’s time for a brief break to recharge my internal battery.
Love ya, Jaclynn
Going On 40 