Whether it’s a distraction, an unconscious self-sabotage, or the works of an evil sorcerer wielding the most badass quarterstaff, I owe you an apology. To those patiently awaiting the elusive daily blog. somehow publish does not get pressed. Rest assured they are always written. However, I picture you standing in snow flurries, wearing a jacket two sizes too small and tattered as my yellow school bus speeds away, leaving you with holes in your shoes and wet socks on the uphill trek back to the orphanage. Not cool. I acknowledge your presence and rest assured, I’ll be cranking up the windshield wipers, preparing a thermos of hot cocoa and wool stockings for all boardings going forward.
I’m currently engrossed in an hour-long podcast with Jungian therapist James Hollis, I find his work fascinating. While I feel out of my depth with dreams, he makes the unconscious, darker, misunderstood aspects of ourselves accessible. His plain-spoken explanations feel like being guided by someone who knows their stuff. Here’s the link if you’re interested: Podcast Link
I received the first draft of my updated website today, and I liked it. There are some things to tweak, of course—excess pink, uninteresting font, additional images. But overall, it’s good!
The vision for the website is an informational space filled with resources, education, and the enjoyable things I’ve found valuable in my mental health journey. Still, in this creative process, I notice myself pulling back—questioning myself like, Who am I to think I have something valuable to share?
When I feel rigid, and defensiveness and have the space to do so I prefer to investigate. So, what are the risks of creating this website?
For one, a major negative is I don’t know everything. Don’t know everything. That is an expectation no one in the entirety of the human race will live up to. And the truth is I will always be a work in progress, someone who makes mistakes, learns from them, and grows as a result. And pretending I’m anything but that isn’t real anyway. So, no I don’t know everything, and that’s ok.
Another risk: What if it’s really, really good? I also fear exposure and visibility. Like, how the President might feel sitting in the lotus position minus the Secret Service in Times Square. Although I get the fear, it’s not real for me today. I know I’m in the captain’s seat; I choose what and how to share. This means your presence at my blog, at a coffee shop, or even on my website needs not to be taken as a threat. As you can see, I’m working out the inner kinks so I’ll be a shiny vroom vroom sports car soon.
Alright, I’ll see you.
Take care. Love, Jaclynn
Going On 40 