I am the queen of procrastination. Yet, as Her Royal Highness, I too very well know the drawbacks that come with setting something to the side. So, TikTok, texting, and a desire to finish my book must wait, I need to write.
Unknowing what will be deleted in the final edit is interesting. At the first draft’s pass it’s all just a big can of paint slammed against the page, dripping its colored lines without purpose, without form.
I was so glad to see a client I hadn’t seen in a long time. A cutie of a kid who once was so reserved and pained to utter a word today talked non-stop to the point I said, “Uh, we gotta go!” Another client broke down crying, and after about fifteen minutes of letting go of the weight of the emotions they’d been carrying that it surprised even them. I cherish the longer-term relationships I have at work, seeing how far we’ve come together.
I don’t see the point of writing. Just to check a box? Fine, I checked it. I’m mad at the cleaner for getting us a 3-star rating in the cleaning area for our cabin. Even though the guest still gave us a 5-star rating overall, I still don’t like it.
Today our house plans were dropped off at my sister-in-law’s. I think she’ll get a copy to us somehow. Until we have the property staked, we can’t do anything further anyway. But it’s something. I need something.
It’s the mornings, specifically seeing the sun hit the tall cottonwood trees across the lake and the ripples of duck and goose activity, with everything frozen, the trees, grass, and landscape painted with a silvery, chilly touch. I don’t know how I’ll give that up; it’s truly one of the most spectacular views that exists. Well, at least for now, it’s ours.
Not too long ago, I was talking to Dave about this very topic, unsure and scared of how to let go of this little miracle of a property. But isn’t that life? A balancing act between appreciation for what we have right now and, on the other hand, letting go. I find whenever I clutch anything too tightly, it tends to bite me, so I lean towards a more loose attachment to the physical world. Appreciate, appreciate, appreciate, then let go.
Like this post. I’m attached to it, and want to continue breathing my thoughts and feelings with this knowing it’ll end. Sometimes at the end of a post, I want to abruptly shut it down. Like, bye! But others, I want to draw it out, like a deep exhale, feeling the stretch of my belly and warm air puffs off my lips. I don’t want to go because maybe I’m on the verge of stumbling onto something truly revolutionary, the answer of all answers, the truth! But, that’s not it. I’m just not ready. But a yawn tells me I am.
Love, Jaclynn
Going On 40 