I feel like I’m all over the place, and self-conscious of every word, sentence, and paragraph I write. I’m splitting my attention between a Hallmark Christmas movie, texting, and playing my Total Battle app. Did I mention I have a sore throat and a nose that hurts? I can’t think straight!
I’m in a weird loopy loop, crazy high expectations of myself kind of mood. There’s this thought: Am or am I not being authentic 100% of the time? For starters, 100%, really? But also, how could I know, it’s not like I have a person with a clipboard saying, “There! Ha, gotcha. You were a faker right there you inauthentic wench.”
Wench? Really guy in my imagination, couldn’t I just be a cotton-headed ninny muggins? ’Tis the season. And if you don’t know the reference, Will Ferrel’s character Buddy in Elf calls himself that bad, bad word and it does not go over well with the other elves.
Ok, so maybe authentic isn’t the right word. But what is it?
You ever do those team-building exercises where you do trust falls and blindfold and follow directions to each other? I’ve done those in an off-site meeting for a community mental health clinic, and there is such a rush that comes with working together, creating missions, and implementing them together.
My fear is that I steamroll people. A see things my way or hit the highway kind of mentality. Maybe it’s just a fear, but maybe I am onto something. I definitely could ask at times I’m feeling myself ramble or overeducate, or I don’t know. It’s a tight, squirrely feeling in my chest.
Rain check. I’ll see you tomorrow. Put out some good thoughts for snow on Christmas for me. Thanks.
Love, Jaclynn
Going On 40 