The inner thigh and the spot at the calf, when flexed, where a charlie horse can form—yeah, that’s where I hurt. How long until my body readily accepts and enjoys my New Year’s fitness resolution habit? Not yet; it’s been seven days, and I’m still counting.
My writing voice feels boxed in like the magician all locked up and thrust deep into the water. Now I’m curious about underwater magicians and found a Wikipedia article about Gilbert Genesta’s death by drowning when he was unable to escape due to a milk can dropping on the escape hatch, making it inoperable.
Can you imagine? I sure can, and it feels like a struggle, disbelief, and panic all rolled into one.
I can go on weird rabbit holes of the strange ways people have died. Back in the day, Ogrish was a site that showed all kinds of photos of death, and the ever-curious part of me needed to see the body in all its mangled ways. To desensitize myself I suppose and to overcome my aversion to death to a point of “Huh, that’s interesting.”
I feel like I’m half in, half out of my life. Like I’m a ghost or that fading Polaroid photo of Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future. Is it going through the motions while wanting to be thrust full-on into life? Something about the really cold days coming up feels as if they could provide that. Or when I’m counseling tomorrow, something about how present I am in my office feels like I’m a real person. Why don’t I now?
Part of me wants to write, another wants to read, another wants to watch a show. My mind is an octopus of thoughts, tugging me everywhere, which makes my Polaroid of me here with you fade. Did I tell you we bought Monster Jam tickets for this coming weekend? Which reminds me, we need to order some ear protection for Evelyn. I’m so pumped to take her, especially since not so long ago, I told her we’d go at some point. Well, that came MUCH sooner than I expected.
For some reason, winter’s going by quicker than usual. Which is both positive and negative. Positive because winter is dark and cold and can be kind of depressing. But negative because I don’t like it when time goes by fast. I so want to cherish my life and moments, and I suppose that’s why I say yes to things as much as I can.
Speaking of, our friend we stayed with in Bainbridge accepted our invitation to stay at our house in a few weeks. He and his dog Layla will be making their way down here. Since we’re done Airbnb-ing our cabin, I can steal the cute kayak sheets to put back on the guest room bed.
I ran for the first time in a long time today. Ok, more like a jog, but you get the point—I was definitely not walking. I wonder if I found a straightforward training schedule, the kind that builds you to the endurance for a half-marathon if that would work for me. I’m being quite careful not to add anything too complex to my daily 10,000-step goal, so I’ll have to see. But still, if I’m moving my body anyway, might as well see if I can move it to the point of being ready for a race.
For now, I’m working on making exercise a daily thing. And the thing that makes me most successful is knowing the day before when I’ll do it the day of. Tomorrow, I’ll get half my steps in before my 10 am client, but I also have a break at 11 am, which hopefully rain is not in the forecast. Scratch that; it will definitely rain. While on Amazon buying those hearing protectors, I should look into a good running umbrella. Is that even a thing?
More googling, here I come. But I won’t bore you with my mind wanderings any longer.
Take care. Love, Jaclynn
Going On 40 