“You don’t have to figure all this out right now,” Dave reminded me, which I know, I know, but still, I’m worried. As of today, we have a timeline from our builder (seven months?! Geez, that seems soon), and I’m freaking out a bit.
Will I see my Washington clients virtually? Will the office owner allow me a lease of less than a year? And will we find the best real estate agent ever make us tons of money on our house’s sale? From where I sit, on my sister-in-law’s extra-large-sized chair in rural Georgia, this knotted mass in the center of my chest is planting its heels and screaming no.
One thing I worry about is I’m compromising on the consistent and solid base I’ve built and been for my clients. My moving feels like I’m abandoning them. This feels true for my friends and family too. I feel like I’m betraying them, like sneakily flirting behind Dave’s back with another man. I feel dirty, mad, frustrated, and like I’m doing something majorly wrong.
It feels like shame. Tar, oozy, caged in, and suffocating.
That’s no way to feel, is it? So, I have a pep talk with myself.
Jaclynn, it’s okay to move. It’s okay to take a chance, to follow a dream, and not know how it will all work out. I know you like structure, routine, and consistency and have built a “brand” around this way of life.
It seems like that part of this transition is harder than you imagined. None of what you will do needs to be done right this minute. Just like the transitions you’ve gone through before, I have confidence you will handle this with integrity, and by the time everything is said and done, you will have done great. I’m proud of the person you’ve become and can do this.
Man, that little pep talk helped.
We’ll get through this, together. Love, Jaclynn
Going On 40 