For $50,000, we’ve got 4-foot outer walls, a porta potty, and exterminated termites for our new build. Not a bad deal, huh? It seems like a lot of money because it is a lot of money, but with all the checks we’ve been writing I’d have put that number much higher.
I don’t see why clients continue to see me. The thought came on my drive home from the playground, on a two-hour break that allowed me to meet Dave and Evelyn before taking my 6pm virtual session at home. That defeated thought always finds me on my way home. Likely an artifact from my early days as a counselor, and during the complete shit storm that impaled me on the long light rail rides home from Seattle.
I don’t miss those days, especially the major mistakes I made. One time I convinced a woman to bring her husband to a session, and although I don’t remember much (I’m glad I blacked it out), I said something to him that she’d told me in confidence, and yeah, she gave me a piece of her mind, and stopped seeing me.
I will say a hearty thank you to all the people that stopped working with me. Once the feeling of dying from rejection calmed, like a knocked-out boxer, I’d regain consciousness. And like I did with my lovely principles last week, I’d go within myself and see what the heck was going on.
The number of long-term work relationships I have today is phenomenal to me. I never did that when I went. I’d go to therapy for a couple to a few months and then I’d be out. Get my fix and go, fast food, see ya. I’ve worked with most of my clients for anywhere from two to five or more years which really impresses me; that they, me, we have stuck together. It’s a great job, being in the trenches, and experiencing these real bonds that often feels like we’re moving mountains together.
I’ve loved the conversations that are happening in sessions lately too. With the clock ticking, and an end to my being in person looming in the distance, I find we’re sharing differently. Like a long goodbye with care, and grief, and joy. It’s like being with someone dying, it really feels that intense, and we’re saying all the things, like my basketball coach would say, “Leave it all out on the court.”
I am grateful to give these paramount relationships the time and space they need to say goodbye. I’ve shared before how unprepared in my internship I was for the ending of the counseling relationship, and it’s from those mistakes I know what not to do to, and in turn can do it right today.
Transitions, like I teach, mean we won’t be the same person on the other end. In some ways, yes, but in others, we leave behind what no longer is working and emerge on the other side with a different perspective. That can be both terrifying and exciting, can’t it? And I know that’s what I’m in the midst of, a major transition, one where I’ll do my best to keep all the things that are working and leave behind the things that don’t.
It’s my Friday! With incredibly sunny and far warmer weather on the horizon this weekend I’m feeling zesty. Like a shoulder and booty shimmy shake kind of zesty. Will the lawnmower start? However much I don’t want to change the oil I know it’s needed, just that good ol maintenance that I make room and money for today.
I’ll see you tomorrow after I spend the day with Joanne, my birth mom, and Evelyn. Perhaps we’ll be going on a ferry and on these cool slides I’ve been meaning to try near Point Defiance in Tacoma.
Have a great night. Love, Jaclynn
PS I’m trying to convince Dave to sneak out the house together and get Blizzards while Evelyn sleeps. It’s a joke, but even playing out the joke in fantasy land was exciting. Like being a teenager and sneaking out. Only with much more serious consequences. Wish us luck!
Going On 40 