After stepping out of her green Subaru, I examine the wrinkle over the bridge of her nose, the lines around her squinting eyes, and the shape her shoulder made leading to her bicep and wrist. I study the pigment along her cheekbone and next to the veins of her hands. Until that moment, she’s been a dreamy image in a far-off land in my mind. After 28 years of my existence this way, I finally can come face to face with her – my birth mom.
A week before leaving for the road trip and two years after we met, she and I sit atop a blanket in my front yard. We cook Trader Joe’s all-beef hot dogs on her portable camp stove. No longer a stranger, Joanne is a gentle yet important pillar of my support system.
“What you’re about to do reminds me of a vision quest.” She says mid-bite, “It’s a rite of passage where elders send out their youth. To bring back what they learn and to enrich the group.” That she gets it, while others have expressed fear or doubt about my next step, means more than I can convey.
A sound rips me away from my reverie. From where I sit, I see movement near the once-vacant truck’s tailgate. The image is fuzzy, but whoever it is appears to be casting a fishing pole. When they are out of view again, I feel pulled to them. I stand, shake out the blanket, place my things in the car, take a deep breath, and then start to head over.
That first day, she drove with me in the passenger seat to Kona Kai, a local coffee shop I frequented during graduate school. Sitting at a corner table, she pulled a paper out of her pocket. “It’s a letter from your Mom to me. There’s a couple of pictures, too.”
Letter from Mom to Joanne: 8-20-81 I don’t know precisely how to begin this letter or what to say. I will tell you about us as a couple, the type of life we lead, and the kind of parents we would be if given the opportunity. To begin with, I currently work for a doctor here in town as an L.P.N. office nurse. I enjoy my profession, but plan to work less or not all if we become parents. Steve, my husband, works at a local bank as a loan officer (and has been employed there since graduating from Central Wash. University 3 ½ years ago, where he received a 4-year degree in Business Administration. He really enjoys his work and being in his hometown. I do, too – and we both feel very settled. We bought a home last year. It is a 3 bedroom, 2 bath rambler, covered patio and two car garage (actually 1 car & 1 truck). It is in excellent condition. We re-roofed and painted it this summer; it is 11 years old and well cared for. We really enjoy it.
We are what you’d call an average middle-class couple. We are not rich by any means, but we live very comfortably and hurt for nothing. Steve makes good money, and we save some money each month. We could easily support a child and want to! Now, a little about us. We are both 27 years old. We met at 18 years of age. Married at 19 ½ in Kent by Rev. C. Newcomb. We have a terrific marriage for which I feel very fortunate – with the high divorce rate nowadays. We were married on June 9, 1972, so we have had 8 years of marriage to build a good relationship. We’ve had small problems and obstacles, as have all couples, but so far, we have worked them out, and they’ve been fewer and fewer as the years go by. Steve is the most gentle man I’ve ever known. He’s a fantastic provider and protector. I love him more than I can express, and he shows me how much I mean to him in many ways. I realize this might sound corny, but we have a trusting and binding relationship – that’s all I’m trying to say.
Regarding our beliefs, we both believe in God and attend church when possible. We have never been in trouble with the law, have never overused drugs, and drink very little. We feel a high sense of responsibility for our commitments and obligations. Our hobbies include waterskiing, swimming, and boating (we own a ski boat).
*I misplaced the last page, but hopefully, when we go through the bins in the basement, I’ll find and share it then.
Going On 40 
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