From our living room’s large bay window, I’m fond of nightly observing the festivities in the pasture. A frosted brown, easily camouflaged bunny and a black one that sticks out like a firework against the night sky plays. I’m of two minds. Either their romp and dance around the yard together is the sweetest, most playful, filled with child-like squeals or, much less fun, for procreation.
My guess and hope is to play, and here’s why. The black and brown bunnies have their same-colored partner they hang (and bang) with during the day – the black bunnies lounging and chomping at the clover, whereas the brown ones stay out of sight in the longer grass.
Earlier, while lying on top of an unzipped sleeping bag in the afternoon sun, I thought about myself and blogging. This nagging “I’m not interesting” thought came in for the umpteenth time, and I took it a step further. Why, I wondered, do I think this?
Interesting is seeing that it’s tied to chaos, dysfunction, and addiction.
Although I am addicted to sugar and those Cheeto puffs in the pantry, I don’t think those habits cross me over the super squiggly line I have scribbled in my head.
To answer myself, no. If the bar is to be chaotic and dysfunctional, I am not that. Been there, done that. However, I’m not perfectly functional either, and I do imagine that can be interesting. It keeps me writing, after all; this voyage into myself.
Here’s something: I worry I come off as judgmental in counseling sessions. Note the word “worry,” please because research shows that our worries are rarely fact. I’m not discrediting my idea, but maybe I’m starting to. I do want to be direct with clients, but… Ok, a client is in an unhealthy dynamic with their ex. The obvious answer is to cut the person off, right? But they don’t. Their need for stability in a romantic relationship is non-existent, and as a result they’ve shown up an emotional wreck for the past several weeks.
It’s the age-old saying, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink. And honestly, it’s not that I’m judging them, it’s that I have been in relationships like that. I’ve felt my ship pulled by tumultuous storms in the Bering Strait and had the wheel spin out of control. What it’s really about, is being present with a person I relate to so incredibly much and not being able to jump in to save them.
They have to save themselves. That’s how I see it, anyway.
I was happy to read in the news that BNSF Railway issued the Swinomish tribe a $400 million settlement for years of illegal trespassing. The amount isn’t even close to what it should be, but hopefully, it’s a deterrent for big companies.
Based on the house inspection findings, I’m looking forward to hearing and hoping the buyer’s needs are reasonable. If so, it should be smooth sailing from here on out to sell our house.
As for our new build, the cabinets are ordered, the walls are being painted, and the lighting should be going up. But the lighting can’t. And that’s because it’s not there. Wayfair, Amazon, Lamps Plus, Lowes, and Home Depot are shipping all the items I bought over the weekend. So, giddy up, little pony, mama wants them delivered soon so she can move into her house!
Crap, I need to buy two entryway lights too. I like the lantern-style pendants, but after viewing pages and pages of items, they were either too expensive or not perfect. I should just lower my standards and pick, which is exactly what I’ll do once I’m done writing this. Because the longer I wait, the longer that horse will sit in the stall.
Ok, fine. I’ll get on it.
See you tomorrow.
Love,
Jaclynn
Going On 40 