Sitting in dusk’s glow under our patio draping lights is heavenly. With sunshades propped atop my head like a fancy ribbon of a 50’s poodle skirt-wearing bopper, I ignore the calls for “Mom!” I want quiet and am off duty – whatever that means. Evelyn’s sliding a chair in beside me despite my warnings about mosquitoes. She’s motivated to read to me (or is it to stall bedtime?). Since I’ve mentally clocked out of parenthood, the once rigid rules melt like hot wax.
All my dreamiest dreams of having an in-ground resort-like pool have vanished. The reality of the cost ($60,000-$100,000) and length of time (a month or two) is an extravagance I can’t justify. I can justify borrowing a family member’s backhoe, digging and leveling a hole, and paying under $10,000 for a semi-in-ground pool with a $5,000-$10,000 deck to go with it.
Now, what to do with all my imaginary savings? Landscaping? Extra delicious and organic food from the grocery store? Or leave it in the bank and “bank” the good feeling that comes with saving?
It’s not lost on me that my dad worked in banking, and from age five, I learned to put my money in the bank to gain interest.
In two days, an old high school friend, Tony and his wife, and their 7-year-old son are coming to our house from Oklahoma to stay. Even though our house is basically empty of furniture and the best we can provide are air mattresses, they prefer our free offer to an Airbnb’s $2,000 price tag. Unfortunately, their visit is due to the death of a grandparent, and they’ll be off with family, but it’ll still be fun for Evelyn to have a playmate and for us to get caught up.
Evelyn’s “I’m excited for the fireworks” comment made me double-take. Not because I was surprised that she enjoys them but because of the curmudgeon in me. Where I once pined for a boyfriend or husband to share the Fourth with under the bright lights, now that I have it (this might sound bad), it’s a been-there-done-that feeling. All I want to do is stay home. On my couch. On my deck. On a blanket in the grass. I’m sure I could. But then there’s that fear of missing out again. The “I will never have enough time with Evelyn, it goes by too fast, no regrets” feeling. I’ve talked about this pressure before, but it comes back no matter what. It’s a daily sneak-inner.
I had heart burn come on suddenly. It’s probably from the Indian Tacos I had I better sign off and get some water and antacids. I hope you have a lovely fourth tomorrow. Take care!
Love,
Jaclynn
Going On 40 