I feel the tug at my heart, the pang of sadness. Thinking about the past few days spent with my parents, there’s a low, low that hits without warning. Whoa, I think, feeling its rush pass over me like a tidal wave over a bulkhead. After the feeling, a new wave of doubt enters: Are we making the right decision?
I realize it’s too soon to say.
Being selfish during the moving process is necessary. The demands on one’s time and energy are endless, so prioritization is critical. I’m not the best parent, friend, or counselor right now, which must be okay.
I’m doing the best with what I have. Managing my anxious feelings, which spike like earthquakes on a Richter scale, is taking everything I have. And it seems the harder I work to calm myself, the more I struggle, like pulling away when in a finger trap.
There it is again—a wave of sadness. For months, I’ve built towards this time period, this move. And as things are slowing down and happening rapidly, I fear the excitement has been for naught. The dream I created in my head and fell in love with is a fantasy. Which, in all honesty, is true.
The real-life dream is in the making.
As I navigate these feelings, I remind myself that uncertainty is part of any significant change. It’s natural to feel excitement and fear, to question our choices and move forward. The dream isn’t just a fantasy; it’s a work in progress, a journey we’re only beginning.
I’m trying to embrace this in-between time, the moments of doubt and the flashes of joy. They all matter. They all make up the experience of this big life change. And while it’s not always easy, I believe the real-life dream will be worth it.
I’ll keep taking things moment by moment, wave by wave. Thanks for being here with me through it all.
Love, Jaclynn
Going On 40 