The negative hype from women who’ve braved the boob squisher machine was all for nothing—my first-ever mammogram was quicker and almost less painful than a stop at the car wash. Thankfully, I’m not someone with fragile mammaries, nor do I flinch with modesty when the thick, cardboard-like open-front shirt exposes my breast at the start of the exam. The only discomfort came during the arm-raise part, which strained my neck tendon. It happened on both sides, leaving me with a mental note to practice side neck stretches. Next year, I’ll be more agile and nail that bad boy.
Under my bathroom mirror now sits a 4×3 fold-out card with boxes to check monthly. I have that “just left the dentist” feeling where I’m sure I’ll floss daily, but it’ll turn into every couple of days as time goes on. Luckily, self-boob checks are only once a month, a week or two after a period, so I can manage that.
I feel like I’m floating without a goal or major project to work toward. Thinking about it, I wonder if this is the inevitable letdown from the daily stress of house building. The slowness leaves me without a purpose like I’m trying to crank an engine that won’t start.
Am I griping? Shouldn’t I just feel grateful? That, my friends, is quintessential Jaclynn: I feel down, don’t think it’s okay to feel down, then try to force myself to focus on gratitude. But when I dig into the feeling, nothing really changes.
After seeing the number on the scale—185, I think—I felt a strong urge to lose weight. It shocked me, like a gun to the head pushing me toward weight loss. But I know the pressure, unrealistic expectations, and unhealthy habits that come with it, and they’re not for me. Plus, my blood pressure was 131/78—”perfect” in the words of the RN—so I’m inclined to stay the course. Walking several times a week is a recent addition, one I’m hoping to add a light jog to soon, so I’m back on the exercise boat. I know myself, though. I know how unhealthy I can get just for the sake of being slim, and I’m not going back there.
I’m settling into this walking routine—5:30 on weekdays and 7 a.m. on weekends, no running in bad weather—and, as of two days ago, I’m officially part of the text thread with the other three women. No more secondhand texts from my sister-in-law. I like it, and I’m going to keep it up. I can see adding a lap or two with a slow jog in the mornings soon, just in time to start training for the marathon I want to run by 2025. That’s a fresh goal I just came up with as I’m typing this, but I don’t see why I couldn’t make it happen.
That’s it for me tonight. I hope your week has been good, and I’ll see you tomorrow.
Love, Jaclynn.
Going On 40 