Every blue moon, I find myself at a dead end in life’s maze. My decisions twist and turn, leading me to an abrupt stop that leaves me feeling lost. Do you ever get caught in that same mindset, until everything you’ve built feels like a house of toothpicks ready to collapse?
In counseling sessions, when a client expresses the fallout from a similar experience, I often zero in on the hardest part and troubleshoot how to lift them up from that low point. From a recent low, I realize that I often seek permission from others, using it as my own validation. What I’ve learned, though, is that just because someone thinks I should do something or feels okay about it, doesn’t mean I feel the same way. Most of the time, I’m decisive, but every now and then, when confusion and overwhelm creep in, I forget to take a breath and center myself. Instead, I push ahead with others’ advice in my head, which only drags me further down a path that feels foggy and unclear.
In the side pasture, 14 fruit trees are snugly in the ground. At the peak of the sun’s height and heat, Dave, Tim, Maria, and I took our shovels and dug—and dug—and dug some more. We ended up with four peach trees, eight apple trees, and two plum trees that turned out to be more ornamental than fruitful. Still, they found a nice spot overlooking the garden and orchard, where we hope to create an arbor and a cozy area to sit and enjoy the beautiful countryside.
Speaking of that countryside, the greens of the deciduous trees and bushes are shifting colors. The vibrant red of fall is unmistakable, yet it’s hard to reconcile with the lingering warmth of summer.
I still have four red-leaf maples to plant, and I’m unsure whether to put them in the sandy area just past the lawn or to line the driveway with them. Maybe I could do two in each spot?
My desire for goats is gaining steam. I have a spot picked out; I just need a fence and a lean-to to make it come alive. And maybe permission from Dave. Or not?
Love, Jaclynn
Going On 40 