Sexual Healing

The book Conscious Loving was a wedding gift from my second cousin, Kaya. I’d flipped through it’s pages once or twice, like the back cover of some edgy VHS from a dusty rental shop. It felt too fringe, too out there. I was intrigued but not enough to dive in, so it sat on the shelf, unread, for seven years.

Why now did I read a couple pages and plan to read it in its entirety? I don’t know exactly, but since the book made the move across the country, and that there’s been a shift happening in me, I figured, why not.

The shift I’m referring to is flaking off of outdated beliefs about body image, sexuality, and attraction. The shame and secrecy are fading, making space for a playful openness.

So today, as I leafed through the book again, I felt ready—like an Olympian poised on the platform, steady as a copperhead, waiting for the split second before the buzzer.

Intimacy, as the book describes it, isn’t just physical; it’s a deep, energizing connection. When we’re fully present and open, the attraction becomes more than a momentary thrill—it’s a connection that can awaken the senses, an aliveness in the body that happens when fear of shame and rejection disappears.

Body image and shame have permeated our culture, fed to us by everything from pulpits to magazine covers. I feel anger for how long these feelings have chipped away at my self-worth. I’m long overdue to reclaim my own womanhood, my power, my body. So here I am. Even knowing there might be critics, I don’t care.

It feels good to be me, and I’m going to ride this feeling for all it’s worth.

Love, Jaclynn