I’ve been feeling a bit down, but then I remembered my “gratitude task,” and suddenly things felt better. First, I’m grateful for the fluffy biscuit towers I made for lunch, topped with the equally fantastic sausage gravy from Morrison’s Country Style Pepper Gravy Mix. It may seem small, but there’s something about a good meal that lifts my spirits.
In the third episode of How to Be a Better Human, the host interviews a woman who lost her 12-year-old daughter in a car accident. She shared how, in moments of grief, she’d ask herself, “Will this help me or harm me?” Whether it was sobbing over photos of her daughter (and putting them away) or deciding not to attend the trial of her daughter’s killer, she worked toward being kind to herself.
That really resonated with me. I realized that the game I play, Total Battle, is sometimes harmful. I haven’t wanted to admit it, because evading accountability and the thrill of getting away with something excites me. But I know it often gets in the way of more meaningful, mentally stimulating activities like learning Spanish, writing, or practicing the guitar. Allowing myself unrestricted time in that game is a slippery slope—it can easily lead to hours of unproductive, blah thinking.
We have to be honest with ourselves about where we “lose time” or ourselves, and make kinder choices.
My second gratitude moment is the time I spend with Dave and Evelyn. Today it involved eating (things like biscuits and gravy!), going to the park, and working on addition with number blocks. It’s the kind of connected time I’ve always wanted for our family.
I’m also grateful for taking on this “being better” challenge. It’s giving me hope and focus during the times I feel lost. Starting this writing today, I felt like Eeyore, dragging my ribbon tail to the party, but remembering my gratitude task helped shift my mood from a 5 to a 7.
I’m okay with my mood fluctuating. What I’m not okay with is when I feel disconnected, shut down, or when I think I’m entitled to remove myself from situations. Just hearing myself say that, I know I need to go meet the woman for coffee about a local book club.
I’ve been on the fence about meeting her. The way she invited me to the book club, then took it back and wanted to meet me first, felt awkward and weird. But these are the bumps you hit when you’re trying to build relationships, and this is exactly what I’m working to improve. So, I’ll follow up with her.
Actually, I just opened a message from her. Turns out she’s not taking it back after all! She’s asking her friend if I can join the group. Looks like she recognized the awkwardness of her original request too.
Well, that’s pretty awesome. I feel like I’m starting to get a more solid foundation underneath me for my days and looking forward to what’s to come. I hope you are too.
Lots of love,
Muah, muah,
Jaclynn
Going On 40 