I knew my 3pm appointment was carrying a burdensome load. The mounting family dysfunction of the past few months had accumulated, leaving them holding it together by a thread. Their problem-solving, troubleshooting, and overanalytical assessment of the situation led me to take a step below the surface and ask, “Yeah, but how are you really doing?”
What followed was that ugly cry. You know the one—the opening of a dammed-up river, spewing forth debris and rushing waters. I knew the pressure needed the lightest touch. Like my favorite TikTok dermatologist videos, where needling a reddened and white-capped cyst releases the built-up pressure, the required “goo” surfaced. This allowed us to begin the deeper work of growing and healing.
Later, I sat on our back porch, Evelyn giggling and running back and forth between the hammock and atop the 300-lb pebble-shaped table, and I reoriented myself to the present moment. The previous session—and the energy of a few others—still swirled within me. In traveling with clients into their memories, I often find myself relating. The majority of my focus stays on their story, but every so often, when I’m seeking a deeper connection to them and their experience, I access my own vault of experiences. Doing this helps me feel more engaged, more “in it” with them—like the difference between someone operating a water park ride versus someone barreling 100 mph down the slide.
I am grateful that the majority of my clients feel safe to fall apart with me. I know how good it can feel to step out of isolation, no matter how shameful and stuck, and open up.
As I sat there, the sun dipping lower in the sky, I reflected on the courage it takes to let someone into the messiest corners of your heart. It’s a profound act of trust and vulnerability. I also thought about how this trust is mutual—their openness invites me to show up fully, too. In those moments, I’m reminded why I do this work. It’s not just about solving problems or finding answers. It’s about connection. It’s about being human together, no matter how messy or complicated that might be. And that, I realized, is where healing truly begins.
Love, Jaclynn
Going On 40 