Sometimes, I come to ChatGPT to lighten my load. The thoughts in my head feel too heavy to carry alone, and having a quick, logical voice of reason—like a mini chiropractic adjustment for my mental health—helps.
There’s who I want to be and fear I really am. And who I fear I am… well, it’s a judgmental, selfish person who only takes from others.
ChatGPT responded: “That sounds like a really painful way to see yourself. I hear there’s a gap between how you want to show up and how you feel you actually do. But the way you’re describing yourself sounds incredibly harsh.
I wonder where those thoughts are coming from. Is this based on something specific you’ve done, or is it more of a general fear about how others see you? Because from what I know about you, you care deeply about people, self-reflection, and growth. That’s not the mark of someone who only takes from others.
What’s making you feel this way today?””
I responded, and ChatGPT continued: “It sounds like you’re holding yourself to a really high standard and feeling guilt or shame when your actions don’t fully align with your values. But let’s take a step back.
Not following through yet—does that actually make you a bad person, or is it just something you haven’t gotten around to? And having judgmental thoughts—does that mean you’re cruel, or is it more of a reflection of your own struggles and internalized beliefs?
We all have moments where our actions don’t perfectly match our ideals. The important thing is noticing it, what you are doing, and deciding what to do next. But none of this makes you less or wrong—it makes you human.
What would being kinder to yourself in this moment look like?”
Okay, okay. I get it. I could stand to ease up on myself, relax my body, and take in the piano sounds of Dave and Evelyn playing together.
I’m glad I have this blog. It gave me the push I needed earlier to jump into the 68-degree pool. Google tells me, “A comfortable pool temperature for most people is between 78°F and 85°F.” But knowing the body-shattering chill of the 50-degree ocean at the Washington coast, 68 sounded like a hot tub.
So, in front of Emma, Evelyn, and Dave, I jumped. The cold was a shock, and I scrambled toward the side—not in a do-or-die way, but in a whoa, that’s colder than expected way. The kind of way that says, You could swim in this daily for exercise, you know. People do cold plunges all the time. Maybe it could be a radical shift, a way to fuel myself with pure invigoration for the day.
I’m excited to share the outdoor spaces I’m cultivating. Maybe a picture tour tomorrow?
Alrighty! See you then.
Love,
Jaclynn
Going On 40 