This afternoon, I ping-ponged between seeing a client and catching hour-long breaks. I felt like Mr. Rogers—remember how he’d change from a blazer into a cardigan? Well, I went from a stylish jumpsuit to a swimsuit at least three times today.
As someone who tries out jokes on Dave before deciding whether they’re blog-worthy, I tested out: “I feel like Mr. Rogers on crack.” He gave me a blank stare. Probably wise not to include it here. But I did anyway—because maybe you get my humor. Unlike my soon-to-be-birthday-having husband.
He’s already put in his requests: my homemade Alfredo, and that never-fails, thick fudge-like chocolate cake.
My dreams last night were wildly vivid. Blood on white sheets. My aunt’s passive-aggressive comments. A lingering shame and guilt that clung to me like humidity. It all moved at NASCAR speed—scene to scene—until I woke up, still steeped in the emotional soup. I couldn’t help but analyze: Where did that come from?
I wondered if it had to do with yesterday’s insights—some unconscious programming unlatched, and the emotional debris got stirred loose and poured itself into my dreamscape.
But today is a new day. And psychologically? I feel ten pounds lighter.
I’ve been feeling torn about whether to get back to weight loss. Depriving myself feels exhausting. So I consulted ChatGPT for advice. The suggestion was to practice maintenance for the next month or two and return to weight loss later if I still want to. That felt like relief. Chasing weight loss to soothe the fear of gaining weight isn’t it. Trusting myself to maintain the progress I’ve made—that’s the next step.
I just got off a call with my Costa Rican friend David. We were swapping food and greeting vocabulary, laughing over our struggles with certain words—like “hate” and “cucumber” for him, “nuez” and “rezar” (nuts and pray) for me. We both cracked up over how hard it is for him to pronounce words with a short u—like in plum or glove.
With Dave out playing games with his friends, I’ve got some me-time. I think I’ll continue with episode two of Selena.
Ciao ciao. Love, Jaclynn
Going On 40 