Now that I’ve washed one couch cushion and it didn’t burst into flames, I’m moving on to the next. Delicate cycle, cold water, a teeny bit of detergent, and hang dry—and voila, the butt ring is gone! My regret over the off-white couch is slowly fading, but now that I see the stark contrast between the first cushion and the others, I’m in for the long haul in tackling the remaining five.
You know how I’ve been feeling generally lighter and more upbeat? Well, I attribute about 30% of that shift to the book The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion. First off, I’m a research study geek, and the author really splatters them in, along with his own. I love learning how emotion is the first thing that surges in us, and reason follows. It’s fascinating that our reputation is the primary motivator for human beings. The desire to manipulate others, to win their favor, to be liked—this brings us so many benefits: belonging, increased resources, and needs being met.
Understanding this is helping me set it aside in myself, especially in relationships where I want closeness. If I’m caught up in whether I’m likable, or if I’m getting defensive because I feel misunderstood, and I spend energy managing that, I’m less likely to be real. And I want to be real. Lately, I’ve been getting glimpses of what it’s like to pay closer attention to my reactions and body sensations, then take the steps to remind myself that I’m safe.
I love the freedom of dropping the mask, the charade, the gymnastics of trying to manage whether people like me or not. I don’t want to be a DJ, constantly adjusting the record, bass, and volume— I just want to be. And this book is really helping me get there.
In other news, I can’t tell you how pumped I am for the vet tomorrow. Archie’s health has been stellar for years, and it still is, but this aging thing has me wanting to be proactive. I want these last years to be the best. So, I bought a bag of SeaJerky for his joints, and I’m hoping to get some treatment for his reddened paw pads, maybe even some advice on the tail-biting he’s been doing. I really hope I like them—and that this becomes a routine I can stick with.
I’ve been neglectful in care. For myself, and my pets. Let me rephrase that: I’m neglectful in maintenance and routine medical care—like annual exams, having a primary care physician, or rescheduling that dermatology appointment I’d set. As a self-payer without insurance, it’s an area where if I don’t go, I save money. And while that’s been valuable, especially since my family and I have been fortunate health-wise, I’d like to start seeing that money spent as an investment in something more than just my bank account—maybe in my well-being and self-care.
I’m also in the middle of negotiating for a Bowflex treadmill. In the past few months, I’ve only seen three on Facebook Marketplace, and my negotiation skills were subpar. Not this time. I asked some good questions—like, “Where was it stored?” She said, “In the garage,” so I followed up with a comment about the impact of humidity and debris, plus the likelihood I’d need to service it. That should knock $300 off right there. At the price she’s asking, I might as well buy a new one, I told her (which honestly, isn’t a bad idea).
Finally, my play-doll game was on another level today. I was acting with my Mom’s vintage Midge Barbie, and let me tell you, she was not having any of it. Her routine consisted of constant smoke breaks and sipping on scotch. Classic Midge.
Okie dokie, that’s it for tonight. I’ll see you here tomorrow.
Love, Jaclynn
Going On 40 