I want to monetize TikTok. Wouldn’t it be cool to post videos of your day-to-day life and get paid—for just doing stuff? That’s what I’m after. Earlier, I pulled five blackened bananas from the freezer and shot a quick video of myself walking into the kitchen to talk about the two loaves of banana bread I plan to make when Patrick and Susan come over on Monday. I remember writing about a night out with them once, and when Patrick read my blog, he noticed his name wasn’t mentioned in the credits. Noted.
I’m approaching TikTok kind of like I do this blog: real, no makeup, sweaty from hand-pushing the mower. I just had a thought about power dynamics and felt compelled to share. You know about that, right? Like in the counseling relationship. In grad school, I learned about the role I’d be stepping into—and the power differential that comes with it. The emotional dependence people place on us can be dangerous if we’re not careful. It can really hurt people.
I think about one interaction in particular: a young man was telling me about being assaulted. And instead of asking him how it affected him, I told him what the effects should be. I was so off base that he never came back. I may have watered that story down just a tad for the sake of this being a family show, but still—I did my best to apologize. And even now, all these years later, guilt still drops like a stone in my stomach and adds six pounds to this 160.2 lb body.
I also posted an Archie belly rub video—because, well, belly rubs. Just watching it back made my body relax.
We did a Goodwill and Home Depot haul and scored big. I got two large canvases for our blank walls and a mirror, too. After I hung them up and Dave left for the Atlanta United vs. Sounders game with his sister, I got to work doing what I love almost as much as gardening, Spanish, and cooking: interior design. Dave knows the furniture arrangement lasts about a month before I get the itch to move a chair, a desk, or a plant. Something always shifts.
I think I’m up to seven hummingbirds now. It’s getting hard to count with the little buzzers flitting around. Two will swoop in like NASCAR drivers rounding a bend, then speed out. Then two more. Were those the first two again? Hard to tell. After I added two more feeders—bringing us to five—the fighting has eased. Last night I saw four hummingbirds peacefully spread out, calmly sipping their nighttime tea.
I’m excited. Just like last night’s dourness didn’t need explaining, today’s joy doesn’t either. I just feel strong, happy, on top of life.
And I hope it sticks around for a while.
We’ll see.
Lots of love to you.
Love,
Jaclynn
Going On 40 