More and more, I want to quit. Quit trying, quit caring, quit doing. I want permission to pull all my irons out of the fire—forever. I get so tangled in things that don’t matter. I hate that I do. It’s the principle of it, I say. I take on these heroic endeavors, hand over my time, hand over my peace, so that maybe—just maybe—I’ll be heard in the way I need.
You guessed it: I’ve been playing ping-pong with insurance companies. And I swear, I feel like they took a sliver of my soul. Small, but enough to feel… icky.
Not icky were the bagels Dave helped me make. Even though their PSI was about half-inflated, that didn’t change the taste. Next time, I might watch a video of a pro shaping them, just to get the technique right.
Evelyn and I are still deep into Animal Crossing, though she’s the one running the show. I’ve told you about her house—filled with aquariums of fish and bugs she’s caught, plus her beloved tapestries—while I, as Player Two, sit like a fly on the wall, watching her rearrange everything. But now she’s in bed, and Dave has the controller. We need six more iron nuggets to upgrade the shop, so he’s flying her to other islands, smashing rocks, and gathering supplies.
I’m two weeks away from Cape San Blas—a lovely getaway with home-cooked food, long beach days, and books.
I love watching Dave play this game. He’s a go-getter like me—an extension of how I’d play. He’s pole-vaulting over rivers, digging up fossils and flowers… a machine.
I’m also in the market for a new physical calendar. Not that I’ll buy one soon, but scouting options and leveling up my organization game is a fun pastime. I’m in major budget mode. Today’s grocery run—besides a $2.70/gallon gas fill-up—has been my only purchase this month. I like the challenge, the feeling of control, the ability to strategize for things I’ll want or need later.
Like the huge box of frozen raspberries from Azure—the organic co-op drop-off by the roadside that a few of us local women use, I’m putting off the order for another month or two so I can make freezer jam when my parents visit in October. The challenge of patience and waiting feels surprisingly good—like a muscle I haven’t used in a long time, and am finally enjoying again.
Well, time to rewatch Episode 2 of White Lotus since I feel asleep the first time. Take care!
Love, Jaclynn
Going On 40 