I’m buzzing with excitement. My content on TikTok is getting more and more visibility—but even more meaningful than that, I’m developing friendships and finding support from other creators. That’s such a lovely aspect of the app I didn’t anticipate.
What I also didn’t expect? To get a little therapized along the way. Recently, in response to one of my comments, a creator asked me: What are you scared of? At first, I thought, “Nothing, of course.” But after another beat, a memory sprang up like a jack-in-the-box.
I remembered the words: “It wasn’t worth it.” That was the response I’d been given after asking someone about the energy and time they spent chasing their dream. Deep down, I realized I’d absorbed her disappointment and cynicism as my own—like a shadow lodged in the back of my mind. Somewhere along the way, I convinced myself that if I pursued my dreams, they would only end the same way hers had.
Truthfully, I don’t even know if I have a big dream these days. What I want, right now, is more of the same: connecting with people I love, and feeling the peace I get from everyday things—running, bread making, Spanish practice, cooking, tending to my plants and garden.
Oh wait—I do know one dream. I want to plant three to five thousand more flowers in my yard. Can you imagine? A sanctuary buzzing with bees, hummingbirds, and butterflies for miles around.
I’m also feeling something new lately: hope. Real hope—for myself, for the future, and for this country. After months of feeling tangled in worry, insecurity, and confusion, I feel clearheaded. I trust that it’s going to be okay. In fact, it already is.
Now I’m onto whatever the evening holds. The night is my oyster.
Happy weekend, friends. I’ll see you tomorrow.
Take care.
Love,
Jaclynn
Going On 40 