A cross-country phone call with my fave gal pal Kristen had me recalibrated in under an hour. She’s got the magic touch. With years under her belt in our friendship, she said, “Jaclynn, you know I think you’re brilliant, and wonderful, and an amazing woman”—and then came the but. I knew it was coming. It had to. I needed the gentle, back-cracking reminder to take better care of myself.
I laughed harder than I have in a while. I kept the momentum going by putting on a Netflix stand-up special, Wet Heat. I love to laugh, to be entertained, to turn off the thinker and be taken on a ride that isn’t of my own creation. Maybe there’s something in that for me. I’ve been heavy in my mind lately, and maybe this is the offset I need.
I’m distracted. The bunny is inside, doing loopty-loops around the couch I’m sitting on. He keeps abruptly stopping and charging at Archie, hoping to play (I think), with my curmudgeon of a dog. It always sounds fun to have a zooming, silly bunny in the house—until the antagonizing starts.
Why do I feel sad about the gift the Tooth Fairy brought Evelyn this morning? The How to Train Your Dragon action figure of Toothless was one of the five things on her list. But when she guessed out loud what she thought she might get—a crystal-growing hedgehog kit or the helicopter light-up sticks—I felt a pang. Still, that dragon never left her side today. She held him close, gliding him through the air, and in her hushed little voice, created whole scenarios and play. I can’t do this parenting thing perfectly, but dang it, sometimes I wish I could.
We did acrylic canvas paintings together as a family earlier, too. Dave painted puffy clouds, Evelyn painted a rainbow, water, and a tree scape, and I created a sky and tree that will eventually have a swing hanging from it when we revisit art class. I admit, I felt a little reluctant at first—like maybe something “more productive” would’ve been a better use of time. Obviously, it wasn’t. That time together was everything. And with just a touch more experience than them, I found myself leading, encouraging, and guiding as they painted.
It’s late. I even fell asleep for a moment after finishing the first paragraph of this post. Now that I’m awake again, I’m in that in-between—too awake to sleep, but with no energy left, no creative juice. Hopefully sleep will find me again very, very soon.
Love,
Jaclynn
Going On 40 