Not always, but authenticity is frequently the most important bullseye to me when writing. However, instead of target shooting out back for fun, I’m putting myself in Olympic-level stakes, my heart rate monitor blinking, as my blood pressure rises.
So that’s there. But also, 10 hamburger buns are on the counter, rising. However much I love my rock-solid sourdough sandwich loaf and making it weekly, the treat amongst cherry-on-top treats is these buns. In gallon-sized Ziplocs, the extras will go into the freezer. And how sweet is that moment for future Jaclynn to stumble upon those bad boys, as her sunken heart is sure there’s nothing worth eating.
There is no good reason for my chest to be tight. And yet it is. Simply sitting with myself, breathing, looking around the room, realizing the entire point of taking time to write is to be with myself. To connect, to explore myself.
Last night, I drove 35 minutes to meet two other women at Lori’s house for book club. Over bowls of soup and buttered sourdough, we discussed questions from a piece of paper about Frozen River. In the span of an hour, we went deep, which I appreciated. The topic of rape, of the court and society’s structure in the 1790s in Maine, as well as present-day thoughts and feelings about women. It was refreshingly honest and humbling to be with women I’d only known for a short while, yet to relate and bond and feel a shared sense of what’s important.
I will add about a silly moment. One question asked about journaling—if, similar to the main character, we had ever had a diary. The answers for two of the women were tracking medications and workout logs, and the other had a recently deceased family member’s journals printed and bound for the family that wanted them.
And before I could answer, Lori went on to the next question.
So, had I gotten my chance, I’d have said, “I’ve kept a diary ever since I was little. I keep daily blog, and it’s one of my favorite things. I get to watch myself learn and grow, have fun, and create a historical record of my life. I get to revisit things I’ve written, which helps me remember and reinforce the ideas that matter to me. It’s just who I am at this point, and I love having it.”
Oh well, who needs to hear all that anyway. *Wink, wink*
Love, Jaclynn
Going On 40 