I tend to juggle too many balls. It’s no wonder I feel resentful or disengage when a request comes my way. How dare someone ask that? I don’t have that to give. My chest seems to agree as I type—pinging like flicked nerves, nodding along: yes, you do this; yes, it’s limiting you; and no, we don’t quite know what to do about it.
My whole system needs a reboot. Or updated programming.
Maybe a 10K run—6.2 miles—could help.
It did. Oh, how it did!
I feel centered again, aligned with my half-marathon training goals (despite the four-day lapse). I believe in myself, in my strength, and that sense that I’m hopeless and should be left to the wolves has lifted.
Evelyn—six-year-old Evelyn—told me that when I ignore her, it feels like a car crashing. This came after I shared that when she repeats something over and over—especially when it feels pointed or sharp—I tend to disengage. I didn’t realize how much that impacts her. But now I do. And now, instead of shutting down, I can tell her, “I don’t like being talked to that way.”
In my avoidance, I felt righteous, like I knew what was best. But hearing her experience—her request of me—felt like an invitation to grow. And I’m taking it.
It’s been a pretty spectacular week having my brother next door and my parents two doors down. A couple of meals together in the dining halls, old-school games of telephone, and card games in my parents’ room. I’m grateful for all the time we’ve had—and all the time still to come.
What a trip it’s been.
Love, Jaclynn
Going On 40 