Author Archives: Jaclynn Loibl

I feel subpar. The measurement comes from a shadowy figure that jumps out at me while I’m doing the most ordinary things—gardening, laundry, work tasks. It’s always there, ready to assess, to grade, to find me lacking. My nervous system feels shot. It lives just a quarter inch beneath the surface, never fully settling. AlwaysContinue reading “One Stroke Under Par”

I fit the pieces together like a puzzle—the hidden drawing, the tear falling from its eye, the upside-down “u” frown for a mouth, and Evelyn barely looking at her drawing while saying the words “I hate it.” It all lands in me at once, bringing misty eyes and a complex feeling: Evelyn is maturing. It’sContinue reading ““Draw Me Duck””

During the ups and downs and in-betweens of my 3.1-mile run today, I found myself fascinated by the mental stages I fall in and out of. The raw brutality of my emotions carves holes through the veils in my mind—lighting fireworks, throwing full-on parties in there. And then, just like that, the movie flips. AContinue reading “Stages of a Run”

Potential recruits for professional sports teams are often streamed live as they await the call. You’ve seen the videos—I’ve seen the videos—the whole family perched on the edge of the couch. And then the news hits: they leap to their feet, hugging, drinks spilling, dollar signs flooding the room with that million-dollar contract. Awaiting thisContinue reading “Waiting For the Call”

I stare a little too hard at the white glow of the neon sign that reads, “Let’s get naked,” as the not-quite-scalding bath water and salts do their magic. I’m in decompression mode, in the bath after a long workday, and my mind replays the day’s tape, scanning for unbuttoned tasks. I’m tempted to textContinue reading “The Art of Not”

Not in the mood Cuz I got a ‘tude Don’t mean to be rude But this post I will conclude Love, Jaclynn

I swear the butt cream made me do it. A sentence likely uttered once or twice in humanity’s time on Earth. So, hear me out. Without a diagnosis for two reddish circular spots on my face—maybe a rash—I saw an internet post of a person with similar markings. They used calamine lotion and zinc oxideContinue reading “Sliding into Home”

I feel whooped. Purposefully keeping a low-to-moderate schedule means freedom and flexibility are prioritized—until recently, when Evelyn’s baseball practice and Cub Scouts added three days of to-dos to the week, along with the social costs. It’s funny how much I wanted this for Evelyn, and in the same breath… I, as in me, don’t. It’sContinue reading “Free Bees For All”

Perimenopause is a buzzword and a hot topic for my age and sex demographic. For all that’s known about it, for the one potentially afflicted, there’s still this lurking question: is it happening or not? I feel like I have a Gollum emerging in me. In the recesses of my mind, this barely-haired, cave-dwelling creatureContinue reading “My Precious Friend”

I’m discombobulated. Toilet paper is strung from the sole of my foot, my shirt’s on backward, and I’ve got black eyeliner streaming down my face. It’s nothing a little writing, an NCAA March Madness game with the Gonzaga Bulldogs, and some evening crickets drifting through the windows can’t handle. I’ll straighten back out. It’s justContinue reading “Usually It Is”