My attitude tonight reminds me of a newcomer in Alcoholics Anonymous. “Hi, I’m Jaclynn, and I’m a writer. I wish I could stop, but I can’t. There are paper and pens and blank documents everywhere. There’s no escaping it. And the worst of all is my mind; it came up with five hundred ideas today alone. And I can’t remember one of them.”
A poster’s message dangles from a lone tack: “It works if you work it.” A pat on the back, head nods, and smiles span the collective. “Thanks, Jaclynn.” One says. “Keep Coming Back,” says Another.
Also, I need to get something else off my chest – I want you to like me. I want you to think I’m funny. I want you to think I’m kind. I want you to think I’m smart.
I want to be everything for everybody all the time.
I think then I’ll be enough, and then I’ll be able to retire on that farm in the mountains where the creek babbles slowly by.
But that’s not reality. The reality is I’m here at home with my legs propped up on my husband as he plays a video game on the Switch, and there’s a canvas of space still to be written upon.
So what if I don’t know why I’m here. And so what if I don’t want to write some days but force myself to do so anyway.
It feels good to share, even if this post isn’t a home run.
And I want to get better at being ok with just being average.
The End.
Love,
Jaclynn
PS I’m using my own photography stuff going forward. Because, why not?
Going On 40 