It’s a random winter night, cold to the point of freezing and mundane as a game of solitaire. A couple of beers, “Frozen Two,” and salty buttered popcorn with my toddler and husband is what Friday night looks like around here.
The swans are in town. Their presence is unique, elegant, and a welcomed sight amongst the newly fallen snow. I’ve seen them fly overhead and on the lakes. How long will they be around, I wonder.
Inspiration does not abound. I wish I had more time to let my mind play yet I know time is not always my friend and doesn’t always give me thing I need.
I want to finish one book in my lifetime. Is it the one I’m currently writing? Ten years, on and off, I’ve been at it.
It’s an odd experience, getting older. Without the discovery and magic of firsts you have to get creative to stay stimulated.
I think of my parents on their five-week cruise along the coast of Africa. When Facetiming their granddaughter, I felt their desire to be near. I remember those traveling days and feeling split between what I knew comforted me but also needing to follow the call to go.
Forty-one is right around the corner, just a month and a half away. Its weird, but I didn’t have many expectations for how my life would be at this point. Yet I’m slightly dissatisfied with age’s impacts, like its sagging facial features, browning age spots, and the fear of life-threatening diseases peaking out from every corner.
That I can’t solve this aging thing kills me. No matter what, degeneration is inevitable, and age’s quicksand is pulling me down, down, down.
What depressing thoughts, yet as much I try to keep them at bay; every old photo I see and my dreams of the future are tainted by it.
I’m scared and sad, a little lost, and wishing I could bury my ostrich head in the sand. I have yet to mention living next to ostriches in childhood. They were weird! In stormy weather, they ran in tight circles with their colossal ass wings fanned out and mouths open, then would bolt in a straight line and do it again. I got in trouble with the owners when on Easter, my brother and I threw jelly beans for them to eat. Effin’ ostriches.
That’s it. Love ya. Jaclynn
Going On 40 