She knows what she needs but hasn’t known if she can trust me. After months of working together, the missing pieces fall onto the floor of my office; the encyclopedic list of betrayals that blocked her from healing lay at my feet.
On lunch break and needing gas, It’s all a game of monopoly, I think, when slotting my Costco and credit cards back in my wallet.
A white Crown Victoria, more fondly referred to as Crown Vic, sweeps before me as I’m swept back in time—cars, like songs, imprint on the psyche, whether we like it or not.
I knew of love in a Crown Vic, and when driving on Zrebiec Road in ‘08 my partner slammed on the car’s brakes. A mouse that was nesting in the engine had popped its head out. At seeing it expose itself my partner reacted and I watched as the mouse took the slide of its life from the base of the windshield, down the hood, and onto the slushy-covered asphalt road below.
“I know you said not to talk about your book, but-” is how Joey starts our conversation. He’s right. I don’t want to and have asked him not to bring it up. But I trust him and am intrigued by what he has to to say.
I’m intimidated by the past, and fear by entering its hot coals I won’t have the guts to take the first step. Because when all is said and done, I don’t want more second-degree burns.
The metal door swings behind me, exiting work for the day. I breathe in the cool evening. It’s dark, and my head bends back to look at the sky; it’s completely clear, and the stars shine. Lightly covering the half-framed moon is a taffy wrapper shaped cloud.
It’s another day down in my book of life. I must say I like this page, but have so much I still want to get to.
Love, Jaclynn
Going On 40 