I controlled last week’s soccer practice. The tempo, the playfulness, the vibes (as the kids say these days). It was a blur of emotions, most of them an elated, white-knuckling skyrocket to the moon. I imagine a first-year teacher might stumble into that kind of energy. Still, I don’t want my benchmark to be adrenaline-fueled chaos.
In that energy, I worried about the parents’ perceptions of what their children were doing and looked for their approval or disapproval in the decisions I was making. It was a lot. Too much.
I quit.
Thankfully, I’m one of three coaches. Therefore, slipping off my director cap and sliding into the background is easy enough.
Will I be upbeat? Sure. Seeing kids’ smiling faces and bonding with them is a nice way to spend a Monday evening. But that overkill part, where I’m the savior of fun, of skill-building, and of keeping it all together? That’s where I draw the line.
I’m grateful for a well-wired nervous system. It’s cautioning me through the tight chest and dizzy thinking, and that’s just what I needed to realize that part of how I showed up did not work for me.
And it didn’t work for Evelyn.
My main goal today is to have a good practice, but also to show up better for her.
T-minus an hour before we leave.
Just a reminder: I have permission to say no, to refer to one of the other coaches, and to support Evelyn however she needs.
The end. Now, to apply it.
Love, Jaclynn
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