Writings – Page 30 – Going On 40

Forehands For Fireflies

A chameleon — its outline a deeper lavender, the tip of its mouth light gray, no feet. Like a black hole, centered in a fuselage of cumulus. The animal shape flattens into a crinkle-cut fry, then into a submarine. Cloud watching as I wait for words to arrive, to drown out the high-pitched whines, asContinue reading “Forehands For Fireflies”

The Shadow on the Other End

This is hard for me to write, mostly because I don’t want to believe what I’m writing. It feels like some part of me is still trying to fight it, hoping it’s not true. But here it is. The concept of death typically brings images of finality — a physical absence, a grief that followsContinue reading “The Shadow on the Other End”

Sucking Up Nature

Whether I have OCD or not, I don’t know. But if I do, I’m here to tell you — I’m managing it well. As we speak, I’m sitting in a 4’x4’ roped-off space, on my butt, picking out acorns, weeds, and something called centipede grass. Centipede grass grows like a vine — apparently, some peopleContinue reading “Sucking Up Nature”

The Weight of What Ifs

I recall asking my then-supervisor, Richard, about slow times as a business owner, one who depends on client work for a paycheck. “There are seasons,” he told me. “Sometimes it’s busy, and sometimes there’s a lot of downtime.” Since he was a seasoned psychologist, I trusted him. And whenever those slow periods hit, the instinctContinue reading “The Weight of What Ifs”

Surf’s Up: Navigating the Storms of the Mind

I flipping love my job. Today, I was told, “Effing Jaclynn, so you’re saying I need to…” And what they needed to do was what they already knew they needed to do, but didn’t want to do—yet are going to do it anyway. The masterful storms in our psyche and unconscious make it nearly impossibleContinue reading “Surf’s Up: Navigating the Storms of the Mind”

The Weight of Quick Words

I put my foot in my mouth. I say things that, afterward, when I’m alone with my thoughts, I go, “Jaclynn, c’mon. Did you really have to say that?” The two most recent instances come from therapy sessions. After a client mentioned their partner was cynical, I called them out, saying, “So are you,” beforeContinue reading “The Weight of Quick Words”

Here Comes the Storm

“Something wicked this way comes” is a thought I have whenever the sky darkens, the clouds move a bit too fast, and I get that thrilling shiver up my spine. I notice that I often talk about the weather. Is it because I’m still getting used to not having my “year badge” living in theContinue reading “Here Comes the Storm”

Ping to the Pong

Evelyn’s flipping through channels on the hotel TV, and when I hear “Pillow Fighting Championship” with two muscle-bound 20-something men carrying fluffy, silky sacks, I shout, “Stop!” A collective sigh of disappointment came over us as the men stood next to the referee, waiting for the judge’s announcement of the winner. If only we hadn’tContinue reading “Ping to the Pong”

Good Golly, Miss Molly, Parenting is Hard

Four hours later, still looped around my finger, is a plastic ring—a silver-dollar-sized image of wide-eyed Stitch, the Disney character. I was tasked with safekeeping it after it had been plunged into a cupcake, while Evelyn played in the pool with the birthday girl. I’m used to Evelyn’s conflicts with Emma, the girl two doorsContinue reading “Good Golly, Miss Molly, Parenting is Hard”

Bread, Birds & Bare Walls

Not much pushes me out of bed to write. I love that cozy, warm feeling of waking up too early, only to fall back asleep for another hour or two. But my mind—it’s awake. And because of the squeaking of its hamster wheel, rest feels like a tug-of-war. I don’t care politically. And by sayingContinue reading “Bread, Birds & Bare Walls”