I’m sitting in the dark with hot tea next to me, and I see several strands of red, green, blue, red, and white lights shining through the window. It’s charming, but after a second to process, I see it was a trick of the eye, a reflection of the Christmas lights from the front of our house. I know there’s nothing but a field through the window, but still, the lights suspended onto nothing in the darkness are magically odd-looking.
I’m experiencing a more youthful feeling lately. I notice I’m less severe and flow through the day more flexibly. It’s nice. Grudges and judgments and subjects that used to be hard to let go of aren’t a part of my days lately. I feel optimistic and light. I sense the desire to say “Yeah, but..” or downplay it for some reason, but I’m going to resist.
I hope the lightness I feel now is to stay. Am I leary? Heck yes. But I’m also aware of the changes Dave and I have made and are continuing to make to our lifestyle and home, and those are things that are here to stay.
For one, we are budgeting. That way, there isn’t room for guilt, or excess, or oopsies. Having something I am accountable for and sticking to it is good for me. As a kid, I’d listen to my parents argue about money and bills late while going to sleep at night, and I wouldn’t say I liked it. It was disheartening. I am grateful I no longer have to experience that.
For two, Dave is home now. I think I mentioned Dave, Evelyn, and I are sick, but we are if I didn’t. Evelyn crawled into bed with us around midnight, and we were all able to snuggle and cuddle each other to a lovely 8:30 am. Dave would be up by 7-7:30 pm every other day for a morning meeting, so something like this morning wouldn’t be possible.
I look forward to more moments like that one.
Lastly, I’m about to turn 40. It’s one week away, and I can’t tell you why but I’m excited. I feel special. Like I’ve reached a milestone that it’s like time itself is shaking my hand, patting me on the back, and saying, “Congratulations. You made it.” It’s like I’m old enough not to be young and still young enough not to be old. At this stage in my life, there’s a maturity that brings me comfort and stability.
Anyhow, that’s about it. My poker VR community is calling me. I hope you had a wonderful day like I did, and I hope to catch up with you soon.
Love always,
Jaclynn
I
Going On 40 