I noticed a profound state of sadness come over me after a post-holiday family get-together. It felt foreboding, like when a gust blows a wind chime in a horror movie, and then the scene cuts to the shadowed backyard. I have a hard time shaking the idea there’s meaning in that feeling. But what?
That’s enough I don’t want to think about that. I wonder how it might improve my mental health if I didn’t follow those types of thought threads. Maybe it has to do with fear; that the people I love will die soon, that life will never be as good as it is right now. Or is there a value in pre-thinking about the inevitable facts of life? I don’t know.
Welcome to the mind of Jaclynn.
Today I decluttered and organized the kitchen. I found a ticket to a Joe Diffie concert held at the Puyallup Fairgrounds in 2005 in the back of a cabinet, stuck in the crease of two boards. What was I doing in 2005? Well, first off, I was living in Ellensburg. Having had graduated from college and not knowing what the hell to do with my life, I worked two jobs, one at the casino and the other at a land surveying office. I also went to Costa Rica that year, if I remember correctly. (I’ll ask my friend Hilary, she’ll know.)
By the way, she is the hero of my story for that trip. Because within days of my leaving for a month-long vacation to a country I’d never been to, the guy I was supposed to go with gave me an ultimatum; either we go as a couple, or I go alone. I was not in love with him, so I chose alone even though it terrified me. Hilary heard my story, had the time, and had no problem charging her credit card, and we shared a trip that will go down in history as one of the greatest. You can bet I’ll share more about it someday.
Anyhow, my tea’s getting lukewarm, and it’s five minutes to midnight. That means I have got to go! Talk to you all later.
Love always,
Jaclynn
Going On 40 