Safe Harbor

“I prefer to go deep and enjoy working with those eager to do the same.” This statement is from my Psychology Today profile and the words I find that resonates the most with people.

I laugh to myself a little these days when I hear someone say, “I want to go deep.” Not because what they want is funny. It’s just I’m so used to hearing people say it. It’s getting to be like “Alright, alright, alright” for Matthew McConaughey.

Anyway, what the heck does dig deeper mean?

My kneejerk thought is it’s a dare, a lovely challenge to our complicatedly beautiful psyche; a problem to solve.

I also think there’s an assumption embedded in it; that the surface-level stuff – tiptoeing around, trickeries, playing the victim, biases, agendas, blah, blah, blah are not the goal.

And it’s from setting this expectation from the start – to going deeper -we find accountability in the relationship. It’s like, “I won’t bullshit you. You don’t bullshit me. But if we do, we’ll call each other on it.

Kind of on the subject. Last year, at a Halloween party, I shared my philosophy on the value of challenging each other. A woman I’d just met looked at me. “Sure, maybe with your patients, but not with your friends.”

Slugging back a swallow from a 5-inch plastic cup containing merlot from a box, I said. “Not at all. I am hardest on my friends. But I also ask them to do the same for me.”

We have to listen, challenge each other’s ideas, and know it’s ok to do so; that’s what psychological safety is all about.

And it’s each of our responsibility to create environments where this exists, be it in social media, the workplace, or with friends and family.

Let’s be better. Let’s be the change we want to see.

Thank you. And goodnight.
Love, Jaclynn