Hogwash Confession

I like germs. And because you’ll give me that look if I don’t, it’s the only reason I wash my hands. Want to know a secret? After dropping a urine sample off in the porcelain bowl, I pretend to clean them for you. That’s right, sometimes I pull the handle, let the water flow for a few seconds, and do nothing.

Your judgment is so strong I feel it pulsing through my screen. Save your criticism for someone else, like double dippers. Please. 

Oops. Sorry to say, I am one of them too.

But have you ever eaten celery with ranch? I have, and there’s no way three dips is enough. And I’m not interested in a big glob of it on my plate either, so don’t think that is a good compromise. I want the whole bowl to swim my vegetable backstroker in, thank you very much.

Maybe a reason for the extra slather of silliness tonight is because I’m just getting home from my friend Lindsay’s house. She’s someone I feel like I can wholeheartedly be myself with, and I think she’s right; we have found a safe space with each other.

Now, as for the ducks, I’m still working at it. Mama duck hisses at me still, and the three goofballs ‘lings run toward me, pause, and then run the opposite way. It’s all worm-dependent. I’m hoping to reach the level of duck whisperer the guy on TikTok has. The duck sits shotgun in his car, and for easy transport, he’s placed in a clear, plastic backpack to go shopping or to restaurants.

I named the yellow, most dominant duckling Huey. As for Dewey and Louie, one is a highly skilled jumper, and the other sits back cautiously and is the most passive of the trio. I’m undecided which names go to whom. Share your creative genius ideas below, which goes where.  

Thanks!

Love, Jaclynn