I’m scared that whatever mojo or black magic sorcery I summoned from the gods to write solid prose is gone. And that the all-powerful wand I wielded with the grace of Harry Potter is reduced to a piece of plastic that’s bound for the landfill.
I went utterly off-script with a 16-year-old client today. I felt lost and confused about how to help them or even what help looked like at the moment. So we sat together in silence, her drawing hearts and coloring them in on a once-blank page and me searching the floor for answers that wouldn’t come.
I feel like I am out of answers in certain areas of my life, and I don’t know what to do with that: What do you do with that?
Our houseguest shared how hurt she felt when her best friend quit swapping daily photos, without warning or reason, after four years of consistency. My advice, which came from my own difficult endings in relationships, was to confront the issue head-on and get answers as to why.
But even as I’m saying it now, I don’t know. What if relationship endings are not only ok but vital to whatever we’re reaching for next in life?
Here’s another dinger before I go; I’m seeing a guy for “intimacy problems”. His words, not mine. At the end of our session, I told him, “I thought you were going to give me some examples.” Looking over his shoulder on the way out the door he says, “I thought I did.”
I don’t see the problem was my answer.
Now. Do I not see the problem because there actually is a problem, and I have the problem myself? Or do I not see the problem because there is no problem. Or is there a problem, and I just need more information?
I don’t know if you can tell, but I feel like I’m on shaky ground. Like at the beginning of Mary Poppins, when the canon goes off on the roof, and how everyone inside is catching falling vases and plates, steadying a rolling piano, and straightening crooked pictures on the wall.
Maybe a good night’s sleep will help. Or maybe this will be with me tomorrow too. If so, I may need to see my clients while sitting on the floor, just in case the ground gets wobbly.
Night!
Love Jaclynn
Going On 40 