Ground Control To Major Tom

I’m on an unsubscribe kick in email land. I usually jam the delete button repeatedly; I’m now taking two or three extra steps to do it right. You know, doing what I can to take a load off future Jaclynn’s shoulders.

Present Jaclynn has a lot on her shoulders. I have tension in my forehead and feel reluctant towards any task but this one. I’m questioning myself and everything and everyone around me. I hate that people are dying from starvation, and there’s plenty to eat. I cannot fathom what this must be like for a mother. I want to climb into a hole and never come out. But is this possible? Nope. It certainly is not. I am a survivor and a fighter.

I don’t know what to do with a couple of sessions from earlier. However hopeful I am for them, I am feeling equally defeated. How do I cope with this? What can or should I do? I don’t know the answer. It’s not in my DNA, likely not in any of our DNA, to give up.

Like the badass ants I was so impressed with in Costa Rica. With zaggy cutout pieces of grass, they carried them in a more organized fashion than our military. And when I placed a stick in their way? The design and execution of the reroute were flawless.

My mind is still awhirl. A constant stream of crows overhead is causing the ducks’ heads to tilt and, in turn, mine. “What are they looking at?!” My curious mind asks as my head tilts too. Another crow. And another.

The ducks are practicing flying. It’s the cutest. Mama – the only one that can fly – leads the other three by doing a running, er feet slapping, in a straight line. She stomps on her V-8 gas pedal and kicks it up a notch, presumably teaching the additional three the pre-flight quickness needed. Funnier still is Huey, the one boy in the group that is considerably larger. Will his size disallow him from the flight? We shall see.

I suppose tonight’s post is a good lesson at not needing to be anything for you and just needing to be here for me. For some reason, I struggle with that being ok. Then again, it’s not realistic for me to do this daily and not have times where I feel defeated and discouraged, right?

I think so.

Love, Jaclynn

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