You should know you’re in trouble when you eat a hot sauce from a company named Puckerbutt Pepper Co.
A queezy head and a stomach set upon a stormy sea is the result of completing the “Hot One’s Challenge” at a friend’s birthday party, and however much I’d prefer to close my eyes and feel the relief of darkness, I’ll rage against the dying of the light.
Why couldn’t I have sat on the soft cloth and padded hammock while listening to waves from the lake lap against the bulkhead?
Because I’m too dang competitive and prideful, that’s why!
Before I complain more, I need to give a shout out to 2-year-old Evelyn’s downsizing her stuffed animal collection. To be sure, bunny one and two made the cut, along with baby one and baby two (unsure what kind of creatures they are), giraffe, mama and baby duck, and goose. Still, she got significant praise whenever she decided to give one away to “another girl who needs them more.”
I think I’m done.
Before you question my early exit, maybe you should know exactly what’s bobbing around in my stomach:
1. Hot Ones | The Classic
Organic chile de arbol, organic apple cider vinegar, organic rice vinegar, water, organic garlic, organic turmeric, salt
2. Dawsons Cedar Smoked Garlic
White wine vinegar, habanero, garlic, onion, extra virgin olive oil, sea salt, sumac
3. Clark & Hopkins | Calabria
Red bell peppers, water, red wine vinegar, garlic, onion, red habanero peppers (red habanero peppers, white vinegar), black olives, sun-dried tomatoes, red jalapeno peppers, diced tomatoes (tomatoes, tomato juice, citric acid, calcium chloride), Calabrian chili pepper flakes, raisins, salt, shiitake mushroom powder, spices
4. Angry Goat | Phoenix
Cantaloupe melon, distilled white vinegar, lime juice, yellow Scotch Bonnet mash (peppers, vinegar), orange blossom honey, peaches, sweet onions, olive oil, ginger root, datil pepper powder, salt, garlic powder
5. Los Calientes Rojo
Peppers (smoked red jalapeño, habanero), apricot (ascorbic acid added), apple cider vinegar, agave nectar, lemon juice, tomatillo, water, garlic, salt, toasted onion, cumin, culantro, black pepper, thyme, celery seed
6. Queen Majesty | Cocoa Ghost
White vinegar, pineapple juice, sweet onions, habanero peppers, ghost peppers, ginger root, garlic, pineapple, dried plums, pasilla [black], chipotle, black cocoa, extra virgin olive oil, salt & spices
7. Jekyll & Hyde
Made by 13 Angry Scorpions. Aged Moruga Scorpion Peppers, smoked red jalapenos, spices, tomato paste, apple cider vinegar, brown sugar, onion, lemon juice, garlic, ginger
8. Da Bomb | Evolution
Red hot chili peppers, water, vinegar, salt, spices (including paprika and turmeric), minced garlic, cane sugar, garlic powder, extra virgin olive oil, onion powder, lemon juice concentrate, cilantro, mint
9. Extra Mean Green
Made by Puckerbutt Pepper Co. Hot Green Pepper Mash (green chile peppers and vinegar), distilled vinegar, onions, garlic
10. The Last Dab Apollo
The Apollo Pepper, distilled vinegar, The Apollo Pepper powder, The Apollo Pepper distillate
Love, Jaclynn
Going On 40 