Live And Let Die

Imagine riding a free-wheeling brake-less bike downhill. The grip on the handlebar tires the muscles in your hands, and no matter how hard your eyes dart, a bump and pebble on the asphalt will inevitably send you end over end. 

I tried calming and settling myself, but even while having close friends over, I couldn’t get control of my body. 

How do I decompress? The thought arrives like a breath of fresh air, and I notice my body settles. Not entirely, but just enough to signal that I’m on the right track. 

I’m interested in playing Dungeons and Dragons. My friend Kristen explained her character’s motivations and back story to me earlier while highlighting the character’s struggles and feats and how much they mimic her own. She expressed the value working out these dilemmas in the game has had in her real life. 

Anyway, I felt like my Santa Clause bag full of mental health tricks, and coping skills was empty today. And as I reflect, I’m confident I judged myself for feeling so helpless.

I remember visiting my mom, a registered nurse, at a rehabilitation facility for prescription drug abuse when I was young. I played in a stream on the property, but since I didn’t understand things like that at the time, my only recollection is that it was weird to visit my mom there.  

We’re contradictory creatures, aren’t we? And that we are/I am boggle(s) my mind like a shaken snow globe. 

Perhaps a good night’s sleep will do me good. I better get on that. Night.

Love, Jaclynn

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